From the lamb's mouth...
Spiritual warfare
wow.. it's been another long period of time since i last posted.. lots have happened but i'm too unmotivated to blog.. possibly coz no one really reads this.. (dun get offended whoever does ok?) but yar.. exams finished last sat.. really thank God that all went well.. results are in His hands.. i dun have to worry about them.. which is i find really comforting... soso.. that's it for uni life.. wow.. another phase in my life begins.. going back to S'pore for good maybe 23rd dec or 24th depending if the flight on 23rd clears up or not.. anyway, the title of this post sounds super serious yar? well.. it kind of is.. tomorrow i'll be leading worship @ OCF for the first (& last) time.. and me and my friend decided to take this opportunity to invite our friends along.. (actually it was his initiative.. more pressure for me now.. well, not really) yesterday, we even fasted from dinner praying about the service and etc.. but now it seems that one of our friends may not be able to coz his mum is here and is a bit anti-christian i think.. it's possible that coz he's the only son he is in line to continue the family ancestral worship.. His sis is actually a member of OCF and serving there lots. so yar.. tonite and tomorrow until the service is pray pray pray.. oh.. and 'somehow', i've gotten a case of food poisoning.. have to pray about that too.. my stomach is uncomfortable and i've been to the loo quite a number of times liao.. not great.. but yupz.. one thing God is teaching me is that i can have trials and everything, but as long as i dwell in the presence of God, He is my fortress, my shield, my victory.. temporary defeats may arise, but nothing stands in the way of God's will if i would just obey His commands.. so there.. cool stuff yar? anyway, i think prep for worship is pretty much done.. but i'm a bit afraid i might become more and more distracted from God as i prepare.. so yar.. need more prayer again.. k, washing is done... need to get my clothes out of dryer and quickly go to sleep b4 i have to go loo again.. i'll finish with a couple of verses from Psalm 139. (is a reading i'll have during service. and is from the kidsong album "super strong God" which i simply just love..)
Psalm 139:13-18
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well i know it. You watched me as i was being formed in utter seclusion, as i was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before i was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of the sand! And when i wake up, you are still with me!
uni uni...
hmm.. it's been sooooooo long since i've blogged something.. just happened to have some time this morning so why not.. hmm. seems like last time i posted was during my term break.. so just to update... nothing tooo interesting has been happening.. but yar.. have been totally BUSY with uni stuff.. first week back i had my final year project report due.. so yar.. spent long nites on it.. after which i had to work on my other assignments plus the seminar.. which was just yesterday! so yar.. my project is past its hardests part! although i still have to make a poster for the public exhibition next week.. other than that, i still have my advanced telecomms and financial management assignment.. but what's most stressing me out now is my quiz tomorrow.. didn't have time to study it yesterday coz of badminton.. but i guess since i did study a bit last week it may not be that bad.. today is going to be study study study for me.. shoots.. no fun! anyway i wanna praise God despite all that's busy in my life.. yesterday He totally amazed me.. i kinda fell asleep while preparing to go badminton.. my lift was supposed to be at 7.15pm and i woke up at 7.30, which is the time badminton starts.. so yar.. i panicked abit and quickly rushed down to take a cab.. as i went out the main doors, i got a call.. my friend was like are u there? he'd just arrived.. can uj imagine? so yar.. didn't have to take a cab which is great! phew.. okok. i'm gonna prepare to go to uni to study hard.. may God be pleased..
ohoh.. yar.. something i've learnt, it's not wrong to stress... but to worry.. so yar.. i was kinda afraid i shouldn't be stressing but yar.. thinking about the stress Jesus went through before the cross... i think it's safe to say i can.. yupz, not really worrying.. but making sure everything gets done takes a lot out of me.. i've been getting more and more tired during these past weeks.. am actually looking forward to exam time.. coz i have only 2 papers.. oh well. graduating soon.. can't really imagine being a graduate but yar.. is coming soon.
my final term break
actually, i can only speculate that it'll be my last.. leave that to God. anyway, so much has been happening but yar.. i only wanna record this for now.. a promise i desire to claim for myself..
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. [
a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14
actually i like the MSG version for this:
10-11This is God's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. 12"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. 13-14"When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. "I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you"—God's Decree—"bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it.
basically to seek GOd with ALL my heart and expect God never to disappoint me... k lar.. is getting late and i'm tired. just lasted a whole weekend of leadership training then had fresh small groups.. but yar.. really loving this fellowships that God has made me apart of. done
Worn out..
"But if i go to the east, He is not there; if i go to the west, I do not find Him. When He is at work in the north, I do not see Him; when He turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of Him" Job 23:8-9
i've been feeling really detached from God recently.. it's really not that best feeling... it's like being indifferent to God.. i'm like praying and i can't quite focus on Him properly.. just as if I didn't believe He is listening.. or that i don't know anymore who i'm talking to.. i'm still learning from qt but as the day continues, i kind of let it go.. and of course there are times i really struggle getting through all my qt regime.. and i wonder to myself how disappointed God must be.. to do so much and come so close and now this.. it's not that i've stopped seeking.. is that i can't seem to seek Him properly i think.. the knowing that i'm actually seeking Him rightly is sorta faded.. i'm doing qt.. i'm going prayer meets still.. i'm still trying to live that holy life God has called me to.. and yet.. i really hope God still finds delight in me.. (which i know - head knowledge - that He does of course.. that i am sure).. a couple of days ago even i picked up a book in Dymocks.. the Jesus Papers.. and though i knew that it was a book analysing lies.. yet, it still caused me to doubt bits of my faith.. i'm glad i'm not too troubled by that now though.. God has taken me past that.. not in giving me every answer to my every qn, but giving me a faith to push through the situation..
so yar.. i feel a bit like job.. this week, God has been speaking pretty clearly about my situation.. as though He's saying it's not really my fault.. but is just a trial that i have to go through.. whether i like it or not.. and yar.. tonite esp, my youth pastor spoke many times about this sorta thing.. even though it wasn't really related to the topic.. and it's really convicted something in me that is not right.. being jealous about other ppl's faith or their experiences when i'm struggling in my faith... i mean, i've been a christian pretty much my whole life.. shouldn't i be like at least at a 'higher level' than some ppl i see out there? well.. yupz.. i know.. total error in that clause.. is so wrong, and i know that.. i'll work it out with God..
but yar.. coming back to Job.. i'm trying my best and yet i don't feel God's presence or know His closeness.. i dun think i can really compare myself to the suffering or the standing Job had but yar.. i think God told me tonite that this was His word of encouragement to me.. that it wasn't coz He was angry or just wanted to stay away, but yar.. is a trial that will only produce better things in me.. so yar.. i will persevere.. something i'm learning in qt.. where's the encouragement in the verses? here it is..
"BUT He knows the way that i take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." Job 23:10
another thing.. i probably knew sometime ago but yar just yesterday i think i came across this.. Gaius - 'i am glad'.. and i'm wondering if that name is really suitable for me.. right now.. being glad isn't really that easy.. but yar.. i'll strive to try.. maybe it isn't even that i should try.. i guess it's just in being.. something i'll also wait on God to miraculously change about me.. i really wanna be glad.. coz i've got so much to be glad about.. right.. that's it for now..
Inertia
phew.. taken me like so long to write another post. hmm.. not sure if can actually keep this up.. am not really a blogging person.. the gd thing is, no one really reads this. anyway, can't remember where i left off but yar. Had fresh camp like last weekend and that was really gd.. coz yar.. think i was spiritually, mentally and physically prepared. And besides that, God is good.. God is ALWAYS good.. and i'm not just saying that coz it's true.. i'm saying that coz i believe it and have known it to be true.
what did i learn in camp?? hmm.. nothing in terms of knowledge i guess. but that was not really what i was expected anyway. i was there to fellowship and just spend the time with God. fellowship was ok i guess.. i didn't really join in games or the activities much, in fact, i felt pretty detached. but yupz, i was still there and i guess that counts for something. anyway, first night up was pretty disorganised. coz we left for the campsite slightly late (which we do every fresh camp) and i was to lead the first worship (which i always do i think, i just roster myself on).. so we arrived late.. and to add to that, through miscommunication, the bass and the amp were left back at church. soooo.. no bass.. that's ok.. after arranging to get it brought up the next morning, we realised that there was no guitar either!! aiyo.. now this was more a problem.. it's coz i thought my pastor (PJ) was bring it and he thought i was. oh well.. however, against all odds, the campsite had a guitar. it was a 12-string one but fitted with 6 so can be played normally. the strings were old, the sound was muffled but yup, it was what we had. so yar.. no time to practice, me, josh (keyboardist) and andrew (drummer) just had to wing it.. and i was to teach the new song as well (the stand).. anyway.. thanks to God and God alone, everything went a-ok.. in fact, i loved that night.. was a gd start.. for me at leeast.. any.. the camp was gd. and yar.
i think it was really God who put The Stand in my heart as the theme sone.. it worked REALLY well.. we did it at all sessions and i think everyone really meant it when the sang. it was only the day before that i decided to use the song. i kinda gave up on finding a theme song or even using a new song, coz it was pretty late already (remembering that i only started preparing for it the same week). but yar.. one afternoon somehow the chorus came to my mind and i was just singing it to myself. but i didn't know what song it was.. but yar.. after searching the net, then i found out.. and there and then i made the decision. ok.. none to exciting for u (whoever you is), but it is for me..
oh.. something i wanted to make a note of before.. can't remember when.. but i was washing clothes one morning and after taking the clothes back from the dryer, i soon discovered that i had lost a sock (one side)!! oh no!! erm.. ok.. i HATE to lose things.. will just keep looking till its found.. anyway, yar.. that was just before i had a lecture so needed to go to uni soon. but yar. i was like seraching everywhere twice and praying for God to show me where it was.. (yes.. a sock!) and then i somehow remembered the story of the lost coin.. it is so true.. i'd literally turn my house upside down for a sock, or guitar pick.. and yet.. i hardly care about God's lost children. anyway, thank God that i found the sock again under some books (not washed) b4 lecture.. else that would have been on my mind the whole day.. just a reminder to myself to care about the things that God cares about..
ok.. as for now, i'm starting to get a bit worn out.. i've grown somewhat spiritually, but yar.. i think i'm feeling more distant now.. oh no.. and i think it's coz when i was in close quarters with God, i started to enjoy the feeling/knowledge of being close to Him than i actually loved being close to Him.. not sure if that makes sense.. so now what? err.. i'm not sure.. seeking God isn't exactly a written step of instructions.. i'll just keep reading His Word, spending time in prayer, reading more heart-inspiring books and be more discipline in what i have to do..
thanks for listening..
back to project now..
Life in abundance??
woohoo... these days have been really great!! as in walking closely with my Lord.. such a blessed time for me! and i haven't left Jesus cooped up in my home or in church... been exercising a Spirit filled life more and more.. anyway, thanks God for all the wonderful resources that He's provided for me.. am learning lots! But of course i'm still far from perfect.. day b4 i was going through some depressive feelings.. hmm.. is not common for me these days/weeks.. but hopefully i handled it ok..
yesterday God help me through the first day of my second guitar workshop thingies.. and yar.. was quite ok.. except i ended up giving too much info.. anyway, i've a passion for guitar so have decided to (in my free time) to put up lots of guitar resources which i find useful online and allow for others to check it out.. first will be on theory.. coz that's where many church guitarists are lacking.. i also wanna keep a 'lesson journal' thing.. to put done in writing the things i'm continually learning.. a bit like this blog but more purposeful.. have to get work on that soon else it won't happen.. k.. song writing is happening but really slowly.. but i think that shouldn't stop me from continuing.. i though about it and i don't want some simple formula to write songs.. i want to put in the effort to come up with something that God enjoys.. and i believe He delights in the process more anyway.. k.. that's it from me..
Not a Reader... sigh
just realised i have probably more than 15 books i want to read.. but yar.. i take so long on just one.. some from last year even. anyway, i'm reading Lee Strobel's "Case for Faith" and it's really gd i find.. i'm just mid way into the 2nd chapter but am enjoying it lots.. and yar.. i'm using my new qt material.. beth moore's "Living Beyond Yourself".. so far is quite gd.. am learning and all.. is aimed towards the females but yar.. since i already have started using it i'll finish it.. i dun mind that too much anyway.. can experience a different perspective at some usual things.. i'm cutting down on games already coz yar.. not much eternal value.. but of course is gd for entertaining me sometimes.. if that's ok.. last few days before holidays over.. hopefully can be productive in the way i spend my time.. k, that's it.. i know this is very random..