From the lamb's mouth...
Innocence, ignorance and integrity
Sigh.. how privilleged are those how live in innocence.. by innocence i'm talking about not knowing the concept of the act in question (e.g. sin). I'm sure u know what i mean. And then there's ignorance.. commiting the sin or knowing about it but not realising (or choosing to ignore) the implications or magnitude of the problem. I think the idea of ignorance is until u come close to understanding how wrong it is (or that is is wrong), it's hard to break out of it. Especially if it has already become a habit. Finally, there is integrity.. a stage i'm currently trying to reach in certain areas of my life. Well.. i'm sure u know what it means. it's choosing to stay away from a known sin intentionally.
There's different parts of me that lie in each of the categories above. innocence i feel is good, but integrity is still what God looks for. So yar.. i'm not going to try remove my innocence, but ignorance, that i have to be rid of. Right now it is dealing with issues i know to be wrong but where i'm still commiting the sin.. God help me!
Ready to worship!!
it's been a long day for me and i'm pooped.. flew into Adelaide today, then band rehearsal followed by tennis with some of the AACC youths... Should be sleeping soon, but i have to prepare for tomorrow's service - guitar-wise. I've been spending quite a bit of time 'bothering' God today actually.. before band practice i was determined to be spiritually prepared for worship even though i probably could have benifitted from some guitar prep too. It's been quite a long time since i've played in AACC (plus i only played once for TPMC and that was imprompt) Anyway, i was reading psalm 95. It was interesting how i chose to read that actually. I was certain i wanted to read a psalm for encouragement to worship and so started looking under the bible references for 'worship'. Of course i had another issue of choosing which of the psalms that were referenced should i read. Erm.. and then i found out there was only one! okay, strange.. but yup... flipped to psalm 95.. for me, that was like a 'call to worship' sorta verse (the first half or so). Still i didn't feel entirely passionate about worshiping God.. (unfortunately, has been the case a lot recently. i get more like phases where sometimes i do and sometimes i don't - not gd) recently it's been getting harder to say "i can't stop falling in love with You" just because the feeling is not there.. but in reality i know i do. Okay.. sidetracked again. (yup, in writing i'm a loh soh type. u'll see *winkx*)
Anyway, i then turned to one of my 2006 resolved-to-read-finish books: Cries From The Cross. It's quite a nice book i find and does draw me to the cross quite well. So yar, read it and still didn't find much of what i was looking for.. Of course i was still totally pestering God to prepare my heart anyway. There were quite a number of issues that arised but i felt was not instantly addressable so committed them to God and finished up my prep time. I know what u're thinking.. could these issues be the cause of the 'downness'? well.. i think the 2 main things were pride and lack of faith, either of which i'm 'not equipped' to handle atm (it's in ' ' coz i do know i have the bible and the Holy Spirit to help me through all trials). But yar, trying to overcome other problems first.
Rehearsal for me was a bit messy (me), so i have a couple of problems to fix before tomorrow. The main problem for me was that i found myself lost in either playing the guitar and trying to address the annoying sounds coming from me or just listening to the band and thinking stuff. There were only a few occasions i'd realise that and quickly turn my focus back to God. Sigh... guess my prep kinda failed huh...
Well after tennis i had my dinner (hungry jack's grilled chicken burger meal with a large vanilla shake.. mmMM) and decided not to waste my time since i had nothing much to do. I began reading one of the books my friend recommended me on dealing with lust and sexual immorality and stuff related to this topic.. It's called 'Every Young Man's Battle' and so far i've 'forced' myself to get through the first 1/3 of the book. Phew.. tiring stuff.. one point of time i fell a sleep for a bit. =P. At first reading the book was a bit uncomfortable but i knew i needed to get through it so i persevered. If u know the relationship between me and books, u'd know i usually 'break up' with them soon after i start reading. So yar. God is definitely working in me to read more.. In fact, that's one of my 2006 resolutions.. (erm, i have yet to actually mention them so i'll do so soon.. hopefully *winkx*) Alrite, where was i? Err.. oh, the book. I'll probably share more in a seperate post coz this one is pretty long and u've probably just skimmed through the whole thing in like 1 min anyway (am i right?) Anyway i was given this thought, it's not a new concept but still a powerful and wonderful reminder: Before, after or even during your sin, God has never regretted dying for me (you). Than i felt like singing a song that God gave to me a long time ago.. so i did. As i went through the verse even just the first time, the tears started to fall... sigh.. how beautiful is our God, whose love endures forever!!! So has God been faithfully hearing my prayers for preparing me for worship tomorrow, i dare say so! I'll put the song lyrics up here if u were wondering how it goes. It's not that the words are totally special or anything, but because my God is!
Song:
Loved By You
In Your Eyes I'm a precious jewel
At a price have i come to You
Without fear, a holy saint
By the Blood of Christ the Lamb
I am Yours, a treasured gem
Wash me clean and i'll shine again
I'll reflect Your righteousness
I have found my hope in You
You're Just so good, You rescued me
With Your life You set me free
For who You are and all You do
I'm so in love with You
All i know: I'M LOVED BY YOU
For more about my song writing, check out the Somh (Songs of my Heart) Section..
Obedience better than sacrifice..
"But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams." 1 Samuel 15:22 (NIV)
It's been many years since God first introduced me to this verse. Can u guess why?? I guess it must be pretty obvious... i wasn't obeying God fully and totally. Obey what u may ask? Well, it was pretty much an issue of lust and immorality. Over the past few years, i've had many ups and downs to this regard. How can this be for someone who believes in the saving grace of God and has opted for a life to please Him. Choosing the pleasure of self over holiness is one of my greater weaknesses and am ashamed to say my efforts so far have not prevented me from falling many times. However, God gives more than just commandments and judgement. He gives me constant encouragement and assurance to keep getting up each time i fall and not let sin get me too low. Of course as long as i don't stop, i'll never get as close to God as i'd like. So yar, have decided to really try.. more than ever, to remain holy, as He is. And if try isn't good enough, just to do so. So yar.. drastic measure and constant walking and depending on God is in order.. and maybe one day He'll really say to me "my good and faithful servant...".
Why am i telling all this, which could potentially destroy everone's impression of me. I guess i want to be honest lar.. and i believe that through my journey to overcome this particular sin, God will ultimately be glorified and His faithfulness and depth of love can glimpsed.
I'll close with the verse of an old sunday school song..
"I have decided to follow Jesus"
"I have decided to follow Jesus"
"I have decided to follow Jesus"
"No turning back"
"No turning back"
It's a great day to praise the Lord!
Hmm... today i received news about my project placement for final year engineering. Guess what? got my FIRST choice!! It's 'Authentification of RFID labels' hmm sounds chim? Yes, i agree.. but yupz it's actually one of the few i actually kinda understand what is happening. Anyway, getting my first choice wasn't really my prayer. It was getting good partners and those i could work with. And true enough, God has been gracious to me, i've got 2 of my familiar friends working with me. Also, i got 2 partners instead of the 1. I think it was meant to be a 2 group project. This also concerned me coz i'm not sure i'm up to doing 50% of the project. But God has been so generous!! Anyway, my other friends also got a project together which is excellent. Wonder if they can break the 100% mark barrier.. lol. And yar.. of course everyday is a great day to praise the Lord!!
Still in the beginning?
Phew.. this blog stuff is so not easy.. for me that is. still got so much to accomplish before i can officially open the site. God help me k?? okay, the journey continues.